Balancing professional work and family

Welcome to the 10th edition of Notes by Chris B Co.  We’ve reached 30 subscribers!  Having found an ice-breaker for LinkedIn conversations has undoubtedly been a winner - I now direct most new connections to read and subscribe if they find some value.  Hopefully they and you have!

This week, I’m answering a question from a colleague. If you have something you’d like to ask, just hit reply!  Here is what I’ve written about:

• Balancing professional work and family

  • Background

  • Lifestyle

  • Balancing responsibilities

  • Free time disappears

  • Managing priorities

  • Find time through organisation

  • Summarising the steps

• Productivity Tip - Your Ideal Ordinary Week

Please find any of my previous editions here if you've missed them.

/ BALANCING PROFESSIONAL WORK AND FAMILY
01 / Background

Two of my key reasons for starting the newsletter were to improve my communication skills and to refine my ability to give considered responses.  Opportunities present regularly when you are open to them, and I had one recently where a younger colleague, knowing I was a Dad and pursuing projects on the side, asked me, “How do I balance professional work and a family?”  

I responded quickly then, but I believe the question worthy of a more considered answer - starting a family and working is a big deal!  I think the balance comes back to what changes you make and what aspects of your life you are willing to compromise.

Before my answer, let me give you some context.

• 2011 - Met wife at age 25 - we’re the same age 

• 2016 - Got married at age 30

• 2018 - Our son was born

• 2020 - Our daughter was born

• Now, in late 2023 - we’re 37, with kids aged 5 and 3

There are likely intricacies to our story that will be omitted for one reason or another, but I want to make it clear that in any of my comments, I am not making judgements on the lives or decisions of others.  It’s impossible to know another person's actual circumstances, and my efforts to communicate our story are to show just one way of how things can be done.  

/ BALANCING PROFESSIONAL WORK AND FAMILY
02 / Lifestyle

Balancing professional and family work will involve changes to your lifestyle.  This includes both work and personal time.  This isn’t to say that you work any more or less - but as a parent, you now have more significant responsibilities than your own.  Having been a parent for over five years, with two kids for three of them, I now feel reasonably confident of the main changes one might experience when starting a family as a professional.

/ BALANCING PROFESSIONAL WORK AND FAMILY
03 / Find a balance of responsibilities

Before having kids, my wife worked four days a week.  She was a shift worker, so often, there would be multiple days in a row with a decent break in between.  This allowed her freedom to do things during the week that someone in a 9-5 job wouldn’t be able to do.  But there are trade-offs.  She would regularly work weekends and, every two months, have to work several night shifts.  Since returning to work, between births and after our daughter was born, she works three days a week.  Our kids are in childcare for those three days, but the other two are in her care.  Then we share responsibilities on the weekends.

On the days we both work, and our kids are in care, we’ve adjusted our days to allow for drop-off and pick-up, along with kids meals, bedtimes and our sport.  None of this would be possible without solid communication.  I would suggest communicating openly and regularly is fundamental to a healthy relationship.  When you have children, the fundamentals become more important.  We can balance our family and professional lives because we regularly discuss each other's needs and make changes accordingly.

/ BALANCING PROFESSIONAL WORK AND FAMILY
04 / Free time disappears for a while - it’s ok!

After having kids for a few years, or better yet, two kids, you will be shocked at how much “free time” you were used to BC (before children).  We often think about how much time we “wasted” or how hard it is to get anything done now.  After starting a family, for a while, your free time disappears.  Goodbye restaurants, movies and golf!  The same goes for any side hustle you may be into.

The level of change will depend on your circumstances.  Do you have a family to help?  Is everyone healthy post-birth?  How are your finances?  The most interesting factor I found while dealing with time and business once we had kids was that I moved away from opportunities that would take me away from my family and towards any that would keep me at home or working after hours when they’re asleep.  In doing so, I could maximise my time supporting my wife, spending time with the kids, and working afterwards.

/ BALANCING PROFESSIONAL WORK AND FAMILY
05 / Manage changing priorities

What it comes back to is the issue of priority.  I do not have all the answers (yet), as I continue to learn and adjust my priorities as time goes on.  For several recent years, I was prioritising my work and efforts to design & build our house.  I made some sacrifices in certain areas, but having completed our house and settled with my professional direction, I am now looking to rectify those sacrifices and gain an improved balance in my priorities.

One of those priority changes for me was seeking more flexibility in my work.  With my son about to start school and my desire to be an involved parent, finding work that would enable that involvement became one of my top priorities.

/ BALANCING PROFESSIONAL WORK AND FAMILY
06 / Finding time through organisation

Having implemented those changes, found a balance of responsibilities and kept communication open with my wife, we’re now in a comfortable position to explore those personal ambitions.  Things put on the back burner for the previous couple of years are much more achievable.  With practice comes mastery.  Our efforts to organise our lives and routines with our children means we have time to explore again.

I’m sure tips to improve organisation with kids are plentiful out there on socials and parent websites.  However, apart from some specific help with kids’ sleep and emotions, we’ve learnt that the main thing to remember is to plan and let your children know of the plans, too.  A calm kid is a happy kid.  We’ve found that when a kid knows what to expect, they are more likely to accept changes or situation.

/ BALANCING PROFESSIONAL WORK AND FAMILY
07 / Summarising the steps

So, to balance professional ambitions and family life, these were my key steps:

1. Accept a change of lifestyle

2. Find a balance of responsibilities

3. Maintain/improve communication with your partner

4. Doing more things that keep me closer to family

5. Manage changing priorities

6. Improve our organisation to find more time for fun

If starting a family is something you’re considering or are already blessed with kids of your own, hopefully, there are some lessons from our experience that you can take with you.

I’d love to hear what you think.  Hit reply!

/ PRODUCTIVITY TIP
Your Ideal Ordinary Week

With today’s topic about priorities and organisation, I’d like to introduce you to the concept of an Ideal Ordinary Week.  I came across the idea of planning your Ideal Ordinary Week in this video from Ali Adbaal. The video link below will take you to the section where Ali explains the concept and how he uses it.

If you prefer to read, he has also written about it in his newsletter here

Even before seeing the video, I’d always believed that time management was a strength of mine.  I developed the skill as a teenager while balancing going to school, playing sports and working a part-time job.  I enjoy filling my calendar and so have always thought about how I could fit more in.

Below is what my weeks look like at the moment. It’s close, but it’s not my Ideal week - that’s a topic for another day.

Now, with the Ideal Ordinary Week method, I can more clearly visualise my time and be more intentional about where it is spent.  It has enabled me to identify when I’m setting aside time for my family and adjust my priorities as needed.  Give it a try yourself.